


Return from Titan

by LoveisMyShamelessKink



Category: Gattaca (1997)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicide, pleaseforgiveme, thisisanaberration, thisisterriblewhathaveicreated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 13:24:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveisMyShamelessKink/pseuds/LoveisMyShamelessKink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vincent returns from Titan. He realises that Jerome is dead. Yeah, I suck at summaries but... I don't even know. What is my life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I watched GATTACA and fell in love. I knew that it was impossible for me to let go, so I created this little baby in 30 minutes to soothe my feels. I may or may not continue it, I don't know, but pleasepleasePLEASE review or comment or whatever, and if I get enough encouragement, I might continue it.  
> I know it's bad. I'm very sorry.  
> Btw, // basically means italics. Sorry if that's not clear.

An absence of a year from my home planet to visit Titan- a star that, undeniably, lived up to its name- had brought about a remarkable enthusiasm about returning to Earth. Just to clarify; it was everything I had imagined and more. Certainly not a disappointment to what I had been working towards since my childhood. The cosmos had always been an enigma to me, driving me to become as well-versed in the laws of nature and theories of the universe as is conceivable for an In-Valid mind like mine. But no matter how many books I scoured through and lectures I attended, no matter how much time and energy I put into memorising information, nothing could prepare me for how insignificant I felt when I peered out the window and saw the infinite void that, somehow, was everything and nothing simultaneously. I knew I wasn’t meant to be here. I knew that if man ever grew tired of Earth and moved on to Titan, they would debase it and, eventually, destroy it. And I was the one enabling them to do so, a fact which had troubled me during the first few months of the journey. But if I have learnt anything from this journey, it is that nothing humankind does will ever affect the universe; poverty, suicide, crime and spiritual anguish all seemed trivial compared to the grand scheme of things that I had been exposed to. Despite my existence being largely unimportant, for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere, like I was just as desirable as a first-class Valid.

Regrettably, nothing is ever black and white. Despite this sense of acceptance, I soon felt an imitable, fervent desire to return to Earth, the planet that had scorned me, discriminated against me and kicked me to the ground every time I posed even a minor threat to the reputation Valids had assumed; superiority. It was something they were obsessed with, as if it were a consensus that we couldn’t all be on the same level; there always had to be someone in power, an oppressor. It appeared to me that could not liaise; somebody had to stand on a podium and make clear to those on the ground what exactly they can and cannot do. It was truly deplorable, but there was never anything I could do about it.

Then what was it about Earth and humans- taking the term lightly, since much of the behaviour that they have displayed could never be described as even remotely humane- that made me long for their admiration so fervidly? What drove me to go to such desperate measures? 

To this day, I do not know the answer. I have found that the more I learn about myself and the world, the less I understand. This increasingly distressing lack of knowledge has led to me making some terribly imprudent decisions in my life. And of many decisions, of all the roads I have strayed off, all the dilemmas I have solved, the only action I could confidently say I do not regret undertaking is meeting Irene Cassini.

Oh, Irene. My beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated Irene. She was every bit as strong as a Valid man despite her shortcomings, which is why I admired her that bit more for her success. She will always have a place in my heart. I wished she was here, with me, almost close enough to touch the stars, where nothingness can consume and never relinquish us. She was too good for this world and she didn’t even know it. My meeting her was almost an achievement per se, and it is something I shouldn’t take credit for, but I still did. My Irene, the one who rose above all expectations and remained loyal to me when I was vulnerable. All these things formed part of her identity. She was what my definition of unadulterated perfection, and I loved her.

/Just not in the right way./

What?

/You heard me./

Fine. I’ll admit it then, since I can’t hide anything from you. I’m sorry, Irene. I really am. But no amount of perfection, of beauty and symmetrical femininity could make me desire you like I desire him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens. Realisation occurs. I am going to die of sleep deprivation.

Perhaps it was the perverse attraction of opposites that drove me to him, that made my heart hammer feverishly whenever I saw even a ghost of a smile on his face, that made me forgive him every time he did me wrong. They were all things that made Eugene my Eugene, not just any Eugene.

I hated him at first, actually. Loathed, even. And, from the way he never missed an opportunity to put me down, to point out every individual flaw I possessed out of many, I could tell that the feeling was mutual. At first I suspected that he secretly wanted me to fail- although he made no attempt to hide it, so maybe not quite so secretly- but I eventually attributed his haughtiness to the fact that he had been raised and genetically engineered to be the pinnacle of perfection, the epitome of beauty, to soar far above the standards of an average human being. But, when I gave him my dream and he bequeathed his body, I realised that he was more than that, that he was not quite as egocentric as I thought, that underneath a layer of superficiality there was pain, and not of the sort inflicted by others, but pain that he was causing himself. From then on, I intended to help him, somehow. I desperately wanted to be of significance to him and I didn’t even know why. I relished the rare moments when the veil of mystery was lifted even though it usually reappeared in his eyes as quickly as it had disappeared, leaving him as cold and distant as before, as if I’d imagined it all.

The arrival at GATTACA was exactly as I had anticipated; cold, sterile and impersonal, leaving me wondering why I had put so much effort into infiltrating such an insipid place. Vapid suits overcompensating for their lack of humanity by parading around the room with fake smiles, genetically perfect lovers adjusting their faces in compact mirrors as if their heart belonged only to their reflection, officials radiating artificial warmth because they knew that it was the only way they could get on the same level as Jerome Morrow. 

This was the closest they’d ever get to the stars.

And suddenly I was sick of it all.  
They didn’t do any tests due to the assumption that entering the place remained impossibility for In-Valids. It would be delightful if they discovered that a fraudulent borrowed ladder had managed to outsmart their genius security system. How amusing it would be to see their faces when they realised that flawless, venerable Jerome Morrow was, in fact, a degenerate. How blasphemous! they’d say. The word would spread like a wildfire and in no time I would find myself in an In-Valid prison with other petty criminals.

/Since when did it become a crime to have a dream?/

I nodded lamely and smiled as a man shook my hand violently, grinning at me as if we were old friends. This was really all I had to do to stay in character; remain relatively silent and subdued with minimal interjections, and people won’t even wonder why I’m so quiet. They’ll just say, oh, he’s always like that. Nothing to worry about.   
As I became increasingly detached from the interactions taking place around me, my surroundings were reduced to a blur of motion. Now, all that mattered to me was getting home.

After a few minutes of artificial greetings and congratulations and saccharine smiles from women that claimed to know me, I left GATTACA, feeling a wave of relief wash over me. No more pretending. I’d been up and down and that was all that had been important to me. I could be Vincent Freeman and abandon this façade, at least for a while. And I ran, ran like death was chasing me, and I didn’t care who was watching, I didn’t care about leaving behind shed skin or losing a goddamn eyelash. Even when my eyes started stinging, wind lashing against me like a whip, lungs constricting as my heart threatened to give up on me, even when every muscle in my body started aching, I did not stop running until I reached the door to the impending future, the door that blocked me from what I had been dreaming of for the past year.

I eased the door open, entering with caution as if I were expecting a vindictive Anton to jump out and capture me. Of course, he didn’t. He was in the past, and I did not intend to dwell on something I had no ability to change. 

I called Jerome’s name, but the only response I received was that of the room echoing back my words carelessly, like a parrot, repeating them without knowing what they meant, sans emotion, sans meaning. I called again, still eliciting no response. My heart felt heavy as I tried once more, my voice breaking.

‘Jerome…?’ But I had already realised what had happened. I saw his wheelchair in front of the incinerator and was greeted with a flash of memories

/If you don’t succeed at first, try, try again.

and put two and two together. 

Smile, smirk, laugh, apologies, insults all gonegonegonegonegone/

I desperately wanted to wake up and realise it was just a cruel, morbid nightmare, even if it meant never going to Titan, never touching the stars, never meeting Jerome Eugene Morrow.  
Alas, fortune has never favoured me. Weakness evident in the few shaky steps I took towards the wheelchair, my knees gave out underneath me. I curled up as if my frail, In-Valid body could act as a shield, protecting me from all the uncertainties and agonising decisions that were part of reality.

/You just love torturing me don’t you  
Love tormenting me  
Love seeing me in pain/

Without making any attempt to preserve the little dignity I had been left with, I let the sobs wrack my body until I fell into a deep, empty sleep.


End file.
